Saturday, May 5, 2007

Thought Express…unleashed.

Its tough being a teenager I know, but its tougher being a teenager trapped inside a full grown adult. All my advocacies about remaining a child inside and so on seem to have taken a toll on me. On retrospection I was struck by the strange fact that I don’t seem to have grown, err I mean mentally in the last six years, which has recently lighted a strange fear in me - would I stay so for many more years to come. And this fear was stoked by a recent visit to a movie hall.

[Movies, babes and pure gawking]……It was a hot day’s afternoon and I was left with nothing much to do after having completed the work for the day. Summer training was really living up to its name. The only training I seemed to be getting was in handling the north Indian summer. I and my project partner, more like partner in crime I should say, decided to hit PVR Saket, which for the information of non Delhiites is an up market hangout place in south Delhi, and more precisely a babe haven. Well a visit to the worth is always worth the money spent on the auto for a teenager or pseudo teenagers who seems to be pathetically hanging on to those lost days even after so many years. In fact it is this breed of human beings that seemed to be hanging out there a lot than pure bred teenagers. Maybe an effort to hang on to those lost days. But then again the Indian definition of teenage should extent well past nineteen I say, at least twenty five. But I, even for that definition, am tragically almost over the line. But that we shall come to later. This is for all you guys out there. Have you ever had that Santoor ad happen to you. You are almost sure that you are ready to pluck out your heart and hand it over to a lady and then all of a sudden a child runs up to her calling her with a “mummmyyyy” call? I had that happen to me. But not one child, this lady was there with atleast six of them. She looked European maybe even Brazilian. I don’t know, recently I seem to assume that all perfect girls that I spot on the streets must be Brazilian, until I overhear a typically Hinglish conversation or that overemphasized “yaaaaarrr”. But it’s the girls who are doing this. They do invent strange styles and are always too eager to show off that new way of speaking a word that they just learned after watching “friends” which every middle class Indian girl worth her salt just has to have on her list of favorite shows. Why are we such a nation of wannabees?

[Wannabees !!!]……A south Indian wanting to be a north Indian, a north Indian swearing proudly that he is so fair that some people think that he is Spanish, a Punjabi who swears that lassi is too fattening, a mallu who swears by aloo parantha, a Delhi girl showing off her newly practiced and perfected American accent. I’ve seen a lot of such things in my three years out of Kerala. Mallu’s, odd exceptions aside are generally a contented lot. So in all my years in Kerala I didn’t see such discontent in people over their current status. In fact the predominant behavior was to be proud, often excessively, and show off all they had. You know the housewife showing off the new sari, the Roman/Syrian Catholic so proud of his two thousand year old heritage and the neighbor who would keep his new car in front of the house just so that everyone can take a good look. My experiences of the people in the northern part of the country, (I have almost started hating this north Indian and south Indian usages as it is never used for anything good) is that they are much more ambitious. This discontent with their current state of existence is, I believe the primary reason for this. Well whatever be the reason ambition is not bad. But what is bad is when it spills over to lead to an urge for blind copying of anything and everything that comes with a higher state of social existence. And this ladder of social hierarchy is also well defined. Created over centuries of division and quarrels, this ladder now extents beyond national boundaries. Above the highest Indian order would be the Europeans and Americans and god knows who else. Its not a regional phenomenon at all as I found out on keen observation. For example, there is a small breed of mallus who swear by this.

[The mallu evolution]…. The English medium educated teenage/pseudo teenage girl. You can spot her easily by the casually slipped in English phrase in between a nice conversation on simple, good old Malayalam. We guys, proud as we are off our malayali roots still let it go and stick to the beautiful language. Then again she’ll drop in a few phrases here and there. Listen to this conversation that I had with someone.

Girl: Hey da, what are you doing these days?

Me: aye onnum illa..inganeyokke.

Girl: kore naalayallo, many many years alle..hahahaha(vashyamanoharamaazha kolachiri)

Me: athe oru naalanju varsham. Iyaalu evide okke aayirunnu??

Girl: oh you know, paris, London, Singapore.

Me (manasil): podi avidunnu nee koiylandikkapparam polum poyittillennu enikkariyille. Maximum gulfil poyi kaanum. (gulf or the middle east as non mallus would call it, as far as mallus are concerned is like the fifteenth district somewhere within Kerala)

Now this language is a new development, not more than six or seven years since its birth. And of these I have been out of the state for most of the time and had very little chances of interaction with mallu girls, who are the protagonists of this language. So maybe I haven’t evolved into this yet. But the guys who were constantly exposed to this abuse have developed their own adaptations. For example the use of “dear” “darling” which till a few years ago would have been a sure short way to get a slap on your cheek is freely used now by the evolved mallu male. Now call me conventional. But whenever I see an uncalled use of these words I feel like holding my mouth shut with my hands and running to the toilet, or I might puke there.

[Yaaaar…I swear!!!]….Now this is not an isolated phenomenon in malluland. Its spread all over the country. The metro society is the worst affected. The worst off being Delhi and Bangalore. Thankfully I haven’t seen it so much in Calcutta. Calcuttans are really good with their English. The middle class educated girl more often than not speaks beautiful unpretentious English and rarely any Hinglish and never would you see that overemphasized effort for Americanization of each and every word. You still can’t escape the ubiquitous “Yaaar” in any part of the country, not even in hindi hating Chennai.

[Chennai blues]….Chennai..I love Chennai…yea, as much as I love Cochin or Kochi or Ernakulam. Why would they have three names for the same stinky place? So far in my life I haven’t found a non tamilian say that Chennai is any good. Believe me I don’t have anything against tamilians, but they are really myopic in their views. I have two good friends who are tamilians. If you dare say anything good about any other city, they would jump in with their bit of information by which Chennai is by far better in that aspect too. You know, like when somebody said that Delhi’s roads are damn good, chennaite1 would say that’s nothing they are building India’s best flyover in Chennai or when someone said that Bangalore has all the superb IT companies, chennaite2 would say “Chennai has the largest technopark or that its growing faster than any other”. So this one day we were discussing about prostitutes in Calcutta. Pat came a comment from my Chennai friend – “hmm..that is nothing, you should see the prostitutes in Chennai”. Well, errr no thank you.

[Sex and mobiles]…Talking about prostitution, you know what they should really do? Legalize prostitution in India. India probably has the largest number of sex workers, and showing a blind eye to this fact would just accelerate the spread of diseases like AIDS. Our attitude has given such a dirty hue to sex that Indians have a sense of guilt which goes together with sex. But you know who is making the most out of the current state of affairs. Our over obsession with it has worked in favor of mobile companies. What with the huge number of ‘mms’es floating around the telecom spectrum. At around five rupees an mms the telcos are raking in the moolah.

I and my friend were talking about ways in which we can buy at least a Honda accord in two years time. Even an optimistic assumption of the salary that I might get after I pass out of IIFT would barely let me splurge twenty lacks like that. And with the trade tariffs all coming down with liberalization there’s not much future in the smuggling business either. With the god given talent of the gab and a never before seen bullshitting capacity the best thing I could do would be consultancy. What better way to lie and still be called a prophet. It will be like having a reattach able hymen.
Now that’s a million dollar idea. With all the news about premarital, adolescent etc etc sex and the Indian male’s obsessiveness with marrying a virgin (now that’s some topic on which you can write pages about isn’t it?) a stick on hymen would be a huge hit.

Well thoughts are a plenty, but work beckons. So long.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

i proposed but why did u have to dispose??

As i was drying my hair after getting back to my hostel room...all drenched ...looking pretty much like a wet hen...i opened up my mouth to check out the colour of my tongue. no not black, but still it does the job.
yesterday i closed my blog with a mock rhetorical question asking what are the chances of getting a rain today. Rain in may, in delhi? yea anybody would stand by me if i say thats wishful thinking.
Well thats what happend today...and it poured..bucketfuls came thrashing down.
But i guess theres something amazingly refreshing about a summer rain. It starts with the smell of earth and sight of people running caught out without umbrellas and just the relief from the scorching heat. Summer rains are pretty common down in Kerala. Before the monsoons hit by late may and just at teh peak of the heat in april it would rain. And very often since i used to spend my summer holidays in Bharananganam with my grandparents these rains also meant good times at the river. The pretty much dried up and muddy mirky Meenachil river will bulge with green fast flowing water from the hills. Me and my cousin would go running to the river and spend hours at a strech in those afternoons. And teh best place for cover when it rains - of course under the water of the river. :) The unconcerned mind worked that ways. As kids you never worried about getting drenched when it rained. My mother used to warn me to get out of teh seasons first rain as it often brought diseases. Old wives tale or not. it never mattered.
But today as i made my way towards a shelter when the clouds burst over Delhi the memories of those rains in Bharananganam never came to my mind. The mind of the half manager was preoccupied with keeping my new shoes out of the puddles that were developing and of not getting mud drops on my trousers. Sometimes i feel the greatest gift a man could ever ask from god is a boon to stay a kid for life.

Soul Sapping !!

Well this is not quite what i imagined a managers life to be like. Plush chairs, sexy secretaries at my call, chic mobiles and flashy cars.
Reality: i was running around the maze that they have created in the centre of Delhi called CP-connaught place, at a scorching 42 degrees celsius.
climbing foot wide staircases of buildings long past their deserved lifetimes taking care not to brush against teh walls stained red every inch through decades of careful aiming by teh pan shooting pedestrians, was in itelf a ennerving experience. imagine my sheer excitement at seeing the fifth floor office closed as it was labour day.
Well not all were closed coz if that had been my day would have been so easy. It never happens that way does it. Destiny creates such innovative games to keep us all occupied. now thats real talent.
After going around by foot around the three kilometer or so curcumference of the outercircle of CP i realised that centuries ago when some smart gentleman decided to name the blocks of CP he had a funny idea to have teh F block next to the A block and the E block half a mile across from the F block. And the dumbwitted moron yours truly needed a couple of tours around to realise certain harsh realities. housenumbers, naming of blocks, so on and so forth. cant ever be straightforward. if you are in front of house number 39 and you need to go to 40 dont be surpried if the ones on your either side are 354 and 12. i saw it in salt lake, calcutta, so A behind G is still reasonable.
Pretty babes the unchanging wallpaper of CP was as exciting as ever. but today i decided to give that endeavor, of analysing the crowd a skip today. maybe the scorching sun had got to me or somehitng coz that is pretty odd.
anyways five straight hours in the sun wihtout a thing to eat or drink, five open and three closed offices later i was ready to shoot out of that place for the day. But the ordeal is not over. its still CP for tomorrow. what do you think the chances are that it might rain tomorrow? :-)

Thursday, April 26, 2007

the magic of a rail journey.

every once in a while when my parents used to take me to my grandfathers place in Kottayam we used to take the early morning Venad express from Trivandrum. Venad express is a grand train. Was always there for most parts remaining unchanged except for the time when it got extended from to Shornur.
A journey aboard Venad express is a peek into urban middle class Kerala. The middle aged man travelling to his office in Cochin with a lunch box in hand and the travails of his life etched in the forms of wrinkled lines on his forehead is a ubiquitous sight. So is the group of men in their thirties chattering away in loud voices, or debating over the latest happenings in teh corridors of the state secretariat. I have never seen a society in all of India who is so interested in knowing and discussing about the happenings in the political arena yet so disinclined to actually be a part of it. Mallus are quaint beings, happy in their current state of being, low on ambition, just across a line beyond which you can be called 'not sad' though not quite happy, resigned to the state of things as they are. Then there is at every odd half an hour or so the high pitched wail of a beggar.
For me this train journey would start well in advance. The excitement would start building up days in advance and by the time I was in the train just waiting for it to start moving i would be in a certain state of excitement that I very often would start pushing the train in the direction it was to go. And when it did start moving revel in a certain self of satisfaction inside me borne of the faint belief that my push just might have did that little bit necessary to get the train moving.
Every thing about the route was also familiar to me. i knew each and every station on the way - the ones where we stopped and the ones where we didn’t. And i would get impatient in such cases where the train stopped in stations it wasn’t supposed to. And at times when it stopped in stations i even knew which train was going to pass by on the adjacent track in the opposite direction, as in those days we didn’t have two tracks in the route. And mind you I wasn’t more than 8 years old then.
I would never sleep on a train journey despite the excitement having kept me awake the whole of the previous night and I would pull at my dads sleeves every time a vendor passed by with froootty(frooty) or bedomlait(bread omlet) or cutlayts (cutlets). And it was always coffee the preferred beverage. And unless it had that special taste (which now I realize was a result of adding too much water to the milk) I wouldn’t be quite satisfied with it. And to think that my mom used to call that drainage water.
But then the pinnacle of the excitement is reached at around the mid way between Kayamkulam and mavelikara. As soon as the train rolls into Mavelikara the sense of the journey winding to its end starts welling up inside. The boy who was running around in the compartment would slowly get back to his seat. Soon words become few, and a faint drowsiness would start appearing in the eyes. Then again the energy meter rises up as the train pulls into Kottayam station and we get to pass through the twin dark tunnels. Every child of my age would start yelling out as per a certain unspoken unwritten agreement. But that was it, it peaks there and then it ends.
The journey is almost magical. I still feel the excitement whenever I start out on a train journey out of Trivandrum Central. I don’t remember the stations now, neither do I remember the trains, but when the train gives a jerk and starts out on its journey my heart pounds a bit faster.

It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
- Ulysees, Tennyson

The whole world seems like a big unblotted sheet of canvas. Thats what i heard somebody say describing his feeling on his graduation day. Armed with paintbrushes and sure as he can ever be of his talent when teh young renegade tries to whoosh that brush across the canvas a voice looks over his head and asks - "You really wanna do that son?? "
the surety is still there..of course ...cant you see that whoosh is gonna be the beginning of something wonderful.
the voice : "sure? what if its not? cant erase anything you know."
well you dont really care...i'll just get a new canvas the voice inside nudges you ahead.
and again as you bring that brush confidently down, the voice behind takes out his burly hand and just lightly holds the brush and says " well lets just wait a second and ponder over what we are gonna do"
the mind is trying to figure out since when did "we" start to do something. i thought i was going to draw the picture here.
Im getting such whiffs in my summer project these days. what promised out as an amazing oppurtunity to dirty my hands in the suave sleek world of corporate marketing is each day threatening to turn into a little bit more than the assignment that i did on customer behavior in the third trimester.
You dont get to do anything until youve proven yourself and by the time you have proven yourself you are a generation too old and you dont really see the present. it really is an orwellian animal farm out there.

psychic breeds

Have you ever felt looking into the eyes of a dog that he can really see inside you. Whether it be the fear that you have when face to face with a stray or the affection to the house pet. Dogs can do that i tell you. If there is fear in your eyes be assured the stray dog is gonna come after you. and you dog at home really seems to understand your every word and it responds with the slight sway of its head, or an affectionate lick. dogs are amazing creatures, yes they are.
But i didnt start this to write about dogs.
What about people...?
many a boons did god gave man but not the one to read another's mind.
Times are plenty when you feel even those closest to you dont really seem to understand you. Or worse when you dont understand why you do certain things in life. but then again im deviating. im not gonna write about the vanity of life or living or mundane living or anything on those lines. ahh mundanity theres nothing like that ..but thats another days topic.
Then there are this type of people a rare breed who looks into you and you just know that these people read you like an open book. you cant lie you dont even dare do that.
it doesnt necessarily come with time spend or association but its got to do with a certain way in which they latch on to your brain waves and dissect it and really just take out the true essence out of it.
i dont know how much of sense this makes to anybody whos reading it. but then i guess it has to be felt. much like what you talk about dejavu. an absurd concept but we've all had it havent we.

whats it about a new place..?

You love a new place when you are there just as a visitor and the picture just swivels around on its hinge when you are tehre for a longer stay..that is not quite on a vacation. You like it at first, then you hate it and then if you can just bring yourself to love it again then theres something special about teh city.
Delhi has to be undoubtedly teh city to which i have got used to the fastest. Till a few months ago my memories of this grand capital city was a weeks visit in which we cramped in memories of all the famous monuments this city had to offer and nothing more. But this time ive so far given a skip to the monuments, well apart from teh qutub minar which is just about a stones throw away from where i stay.
This time it was more about people, shopping, commotion, the metro, work, college and what else. everything except a vacation i guess.
in sharp contrast to what i had got used to calcutta, delhi never seems to sleep. even if at two in teh night you wake up hearing a grumble in your tummy you know there is more than a chance you would find a tea shop open somehwere. Whereas in calcutta i would have got myself a drink of water and tried to knock myself unconcious or something.
Even in Bangalore which had all nonsensical rhetoric of compulsory shutting down of restaurants after 11 a couple of years back, i knew of several places where i could easily grab an early morning/late night bite.
but more than such triflings the things that more than anything affect your inclination towards a place is the people there, teh people around you and to a lesser extent the weather too if you really want to come up with a third factor.
There is somehitng about a human being, that overbearing instinct to be social. even the most introvert of us at some moments desires company. Human beings are strange animals. Potent enough to kill you, charming enough to make you fall in love with, loud enough to make you feel like tearing your ears, soothing enough to listen to a voice for hours at stretch.
What i am trying to convey here is that its the people that make the place. i got robbed twice, yelled at thrice, was denied service by shopkeepers because he didnt feel like getting up from his comfortable little stool, how do you expect me to post anything good about teh charm of calcutta. i jsut dotn see it over the mistreating, lethargic swarm of people that cloud my eyes.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

On planning a life, knowledge and courage!!!

Twenty four years are past without one day of it being planned out. I, Vinu Mani Jose have seen as much of the world, perhaps a little more than the average twenty four year would have. Now what waits down the line for me, good or bad, the only ammunition that I have earned over the period of my lifetime is an undaunted belief in self to face anything and triumph over anything that destiny throws at me. Also a belief in god almighty that whatever he does, he does for the best.

Wise men say that knowledge is wealth. But then what good is wealth if it doesn’t buys you happiness and peace of mind. Does it even take you near your final goal in any way. Richness, fame, authority and power are mere intermediate goals that human beings set on their path to that final destination which no man is ever sure of. It’s just a belief that, that particular goal is somewhere a little beyond say being the richest man in the world or the most powerful.

It’s not easy being lazy. Because lazy means being unprepared for the perils that you need to tread over tomorrow. Every day in life is an adventure. And the natural human instinct asks of him by a tool called fear to do everything on his physical might possible to make himself ready, body and soul for facing that adventure.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Fame, Anyone?

Its something that i realised a long time back taht the most famous are not necessarily the best there is in their fields. No, I'm not talking abuot person B usurping the fame that was due to Person A. I'm talking about a certain quality taht needs to be there in order that a person does the way he does things and in the process attain fame. To put it in another way if somebody just keeps doing the thing he's meant to do better than anyone else in the world he need not end up becoming the best known in his field. You can call taht virtue people management but it is certainly not just that. Not all human beings are comfortable with being famous. They first need to be comfortable with it, then they need to handle it to their benefits and if you can do that then the virtue that i talk of here can be said to exist in you.
There are a certain few personalities that ive been privileged to know who attract people and some others who attract peoples attention but more than warmth create a certain awe. Who among the two is more qualified to be called famous. I'd have to say the second. The former would have a lot of friends and in that sense could be called famous. But fame in its classical definition has an element of awe of fear of detest rather than affection. I guess the former can be called popular and the latter as famous. The slight difference is what i would like to emphasize.
So then in a way fame goes hand in hand with awe but is a sure shot way to ensure that you distance yourself from your true friends. So then, does a popular person have a repository of true friends a hands distance away? Not necessarily either. Human beings are made in such a way that they cant handle extremes. Its much due to underlying egos and biases.
In a way i do sympathise with the famous or more precisely who pursue fame as a goal of life. They are those who need constant reinforcement of their own self percieved identity by a second person. They are extremely susceptible to misleadings and very easy to be conned. What is it that drives them forward. What is the precise need that gets satisfied on achieving this goal and then again can this goal can ever be achieved to full satisfaction. Each person has a self concept and often people think of themselves so much different from what the world percieves him. While some people dont care for this mismatch some others strive hard to change the global perception, because for him what he percieves is more true than what the person sitting next, as is true with each of us. And why would be want to change the world opinion is because for his the acceptance of his personality by his own self is not enough to satisy his ego, which proves low self worth.
Value yourself before you set out to value the world. Take a look at your inside before you raise your eyes to look around. See what you truly are and be proud of it because it aint ever too bad. In any case its better than the poor guy who runs after his virtual hall of fame.

Times - they are a changin!

For years India as a growing nation and its citizens were seeking its rightful place in the global scene of affairs. We say we found our place, we believe we are already there. But let us, as we prepare ourselves to sit down and take a rest lets just take a look around. We stand at a crucial period in history where a world of opportunities beckon us and we look on undecided unprepared to take on the great challenges and opportunities that lie beyond. But still we decide to go on and take that rest.

On retrospect cant we see that that’s all we’ve been doing for all the whole time so far. We rested while the tide of globalization carried us along. We were so mesmerized by the thrill of the world whizzing past as we watched out of the window that we never realized that we were just being swept away like a boat in the rapids never realizing when we actually stopped rowing and let the flow take us forward. But then as we approach a pivotal point when there are options ahead and its upto us to steer on to the right path we cant afford to be complacent and hope that the same force that brought us so far will make the decision for us again.

If there is any particular trait of a human being that we Indians have perfected over generations, it is complacency. We’ve been taught from childhood to leave everything to fate and leave every thing to his almighty’s wishes. Its given rise to a largely lethargic population who like to take what is given rather than grab what is on offer. Don’t our leaders see what a great sin they are doing at this very moment against generations that are to follow by letting these very moments slip past us. The moments that we should be grabbing to climb upto that pedestal that we as a sincere, god fearing, modest civilization deserve in the divine order of things. Well that’s not the way things work out in this world is it. Maybe the quintessential bollywood flick has led us to that misconception. Lets face the facts, no hero’s gonna come and the one we thought was the ones busy proving himself to be a dud a mere puppet. If prime minister Manmohan Singh could bring another wave of Indian uprising that we saw very much need at this move and in the process end up sacrificing his cap the very next day generations of educated well fed children of this land will venerate him to godliness and what he might end up losing he shall gain in the hearts of those million whose lives he would have helped change.

For the billions who refused to take charge of their destinies our blessed motherland gave rise to a few handful who had extremely lucid visions of the way to take us forward. They thought out plans, very well laid out and perhaps the best options at that time. And its not the minds of people that change worlds but the opportunities that the world gives them to change the world itself that create great men. And the great men we had did their jobs and then perhaps somewhere in between lost their ways. Or maybe things changed around them and they found themselves in unfamiliar waters and they panicked. Maybe things moved so much so that that black shroud of doubt over shadowed their eyes and they themselves were not so sure if this was what they intended in the first place after all. Nehru started out with a great plan, he made the nation pull itself up on its legs and latter own Mr. Singh taught it how to run. Now perhaps we need someone else to come along to give it direction coz all our visionaries seems to be such highly specific talents that they do nothing beyond that one task they set out to do. But these are tough times. We need direction and at the very same time keep it running. This means that we need a new breed of leaders who are more than single dimensional experts. We need multitasking multi dimensional visionaries who can, not only travel straight but also sideways diagonally and even upwards.

We devised our look east policy years ago, and it does make a lot of sense to look at your own background which seems to be doing so very well rather than gawking at your other side of town folks and drooling at the ripe apples in his courtyard and hoping for one to fall down and roll down to your feet. The American economy many experts feel is slowly running out of steam. We can’t afford to focus all our attentions on one direction. The dollar might lose its sheen and a lot of oriental currencies might look greener than the dollar. Its in this context that we should be looking at the free trade blocks and I don’t just mean the SAFTA. The recently proposed Japanese idea of a composite asian free trade zone comprising of japan china korea the ASEAN nations and India which would give new hopes to more than half the worlds people is something to be viewed seriously and hopefully realized at the earliest. Our naturally suspicious mentality, although we cant say that its totally unjustified, has taught us to view all our neighbors with caution and apprehension which would be the greatest roadblocks as far as we are concerned about realizing this plan. We have always lacked that ability to think huge and so far ahead that none of us might be alive to see the fruits of it. Revive the ambitious Asian monetary fund idea, start thinking of having a boundary less east asia and announce to the world that the times they are a changing.

Friday, January 19, 2007


I just finished watching Samsara. Its an off the beaten track one set in Ladakh. About a monk who goes to become a normal villager and then again decides to go back to the life of an ascetic having failed to find the purpose that he was searching in his life as a villager. At this point his wife comes before him and says that if he had just shown that much passion and love in his life as a monk he would have become a budha in this life itself. Hurt and dejected our man decides to turn back and spent the rest of his life with the family. Hearing this the wife smiles and the next instant you see that she wasnt ever there.
Our hero realises how fickle and weak he is and this shatters him on realizing that hes never going to find his place neither as a monk nor as a commoner.
Ive written somewhere below on the need to have a motive, a purpose in life. Ive never felt it, to be realistic but maybe that purpose is deep within and not very well enunciated but still defined and solid as to create a feel. The restlessness and the frustrations, the impatience and the anger, these cant be when all's going well which would have been the case if wherever life was taking me was my goal.
But then when would you realise that you are there or atleast that you are approaching it. The best option is to think of it as a dynamic ever changing target but to know that it just exists is all that matters which will drive you forward to do that thing you are doing just a little bit better.

Do you have an actor in you?

Acting is something which in due course that ive realised that id never be do with much success.
Just one among the long list of things which i once assumed i must have a talent in but life , like a spoilt child was incissent that i 'd get that right in my head. This is true with the case of singing and dancing as well.
Well I was part of the eminent college of Engineering's talented skit team that was sent for the kerala University arts festival. Well you need not ask what happend at the event, or you think the vain fool that i am wouldnt have proclaimed that somehwere in the initial paragraphs itself?
But life is funny. Because acting is not really acting. Mohanlal used to say that acting is just reacting. Acting is what you do with life. And that is not always reacting. So i would like to think that the best actors on stage need not be the best actors in life.
Life has a funny way of leading you in your thoughts in one direction and then surprise you all of a sudden by revealing another face of it which really catches you by surprise, infact thats what makes life worth all that tehre is to it. I though i could never act, and yet here i am acting in roles never imagined and in stages where i thought id be silently transparent.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

City of Joy.

The city of Joy has been pretty gloomy in all the time that ive been here. The day shuts down early as is the case with everything else in this city. I mean its almost pitch black by quarter to six, why dont they think of having a separate time zone or something like daylight savings time around here. Maybe its the sun which taught the people the culture or is it the vice versa i really dont know. Unlike any other big Indian city worth its name the city streets are virtually empty past 9. Salt Lake, where I am put up is considered the upmarket locality and still you'd have a tough time getting a pack of biscuits after 10.
The sluggishness is so ubiquitous that its almost eerie. Shops dont open in the afternoon till evening, and the shopkeepers take their own lazy time to respond or even acknowledge that youve been trying all sort of languish moves to catch their attention. Mondays are sacred days and hence you dont work. And bandh days are bad and then too you dont work. Subway needs a minimum order of 500 to do a home delivery and the crap restaurant which gave me food poisoning just the last week took 1.5 hours to make that lame food.
And Sector V of salt lake which houses half a lakh of professionals and students doesn't have a decent restaurant in the vicinity.
There are but two creatures which seem to muster out some amount of energy to venture out in their businesses after midnight - thieves and dogs. Salt Lake is a breeding factory of all species of mongrels that providence ever imagined, and by duties i dont mean that of safeguarding but of increasing their folds. I here need to talk about a friend of mine who took refuge inside an ATM while he was coming back a little late in the night and was confronted by one such pack.
And of thieves i can speak volumes. Ive had goods worth twenty thousand stolen in within three months in this city and Ive stopped traveling in the local buses for fear of parting with my beloved wallet.
But the city is not all bad i tell you. I love the traffic here after the clogs ive got used to in bangalore. The roads are much less dusty than Bangalore. The weather is much milder than Delhi or Chandigarh. And there havent been any power(as in electricity) problems, no loadsheddings or surges as is so common in Delhi and to a lesser extent in Bangalore. Well there is humidity but still better than Chennai.
There still remains a minimum of a year that binds me to this city, perhaps maybe id get used to the things i hate and find the things i love too good to even consider living without. Maybe as with everything else in this city even getting to love it also takes its own sweet time.

how hard is it to spot a phony

In a general context I am proud of India as a nation, of the sheer miracle of faith, for the triumph of justice truth and belief over the most persistent forces of hatred. I am an ardent believer of democracy and thinks of it as the best or atleast the lesser evil among all forms of governances possible.
But then i see events such as today's which really out me to shame. Today i saw a newspaper article which had a picture of the chief minister of UP Mulayam singh yadav donning a Muslim clergies attire. I can understand the dirty mind of a shallow politician. What perturbes me is the mind of the average middle class Indian who goes for these sort of narrow minded antiques which is nothing short of political debauchery. If Mulayam Singh is eyeing Muslim votes then the Muslims should be wiser than to be fooled by the wolf in sheeps clothing. And the Hindus without whose votes Yadav cant hope to get near the coveted chair should also see that here is a man who would shift views, change opinions at a moments notice in case the counter point of view assures a couple of vote more.
How long will the political class play the role of the Pig in the Orwellian animal farm and make us split along communal and regional lines for their meager benefits. The attire of a politician reeks like a pig sty that anyone with a morsel of humanity or consciousness would prefer the guillotine or die of hunger in this land of poverty and unemployment rather than walk that stinky path. Its time that the new push out the landed and lend some amount of respectability to the politicians chair because the Pig's reign is not an eternal one. But someone better has to come forward, the nation needs that today. And nothing short of an uprising of the just, the good and the true, for nothing more does evil need to triumph that the righteous to not to their task.

Preserve the child in you.

As one grows older what suffers the most in a person is the child inside. The day the child in you dies you die. The child is the one who makes you laugh at the corniest jokes, makes you look at the dog trying to bite its own tail and run into the yard to catch the first rain drops after a torterous summer.
I'm reminded of an episode in 'friends' in which Phoebe's grandmother dies and her spirit stays behind because she still hasnt seen everything. The key to eternal life is to have that quest to achieve more, do more , see more.
There is so much beauty around each one of us but you stop seeing once the child leaves you. The kitten that meows in the yard next door never catches your attention and the whistling of the wind through the trees fails to create a tune in your heart and be you warned thy day hath come.

teenie meenie men

One thing i cant stand are men who dont have identities of their own. The kind of men who needs a group to speak out anything, stand up for a cause or even raise their eyes to meet up to the opposition.
Its true that it takes a lot on a man to stand alone and walk against the tide. And history has given us just few of those. But those who have no opinions of their own that derive ideas from their neighbour are the kind of vermins that id rather not even touch with the heel of my shoes.
The worst are those who get into a group and then try to subtly sway the group from the back...very often ends up in miserable failure thats a different deal.
But these are dangerous men mind you. Humanity would be well served to make these species extinct. Often reminds me of the slithery slimy snake that persuaded poor Adam to taste the forbidden fruit.
I do realise the purpose of evil in the world even of moulds and mucus and rats and rust, but people like then should be Banned and thrown to purgatorial fires for the sake of humanities Salvation.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


Ive been getting certain vibes..and not so good ones when i think about the Barca V Liverpool fixture thats gonna happen in a few weeks time.
Strangely the form the odds expert opinion is all in Barcas favour...even fortune in terms of injuries seems to be in their favour with Etoo, Messi and the likes scheduled to return from injury in time.
Im not a believer in karma, kismet or even intuitions. But a firm believer that in case you are prepared for the worst the worst wouldnt happen. Coz god knows that in case you are ready for it whats the whole point in throwing that very same ball at you..Shane warne would never tell you that hes going to go for a googly and then ball it would he.
So perhaps the best way to play warne would be to search for googlies in every delivery.
But coming back to Barca...ive been an ardant fan for years and im not used to things going so smoothly for them as it has been for the last couple of years. Undoubtedly europes best team, trophies coming their way and consistency in performance, what more does a fan need.
Well this fan for one needs that fateful two matches to be over as fast as possible. Coz the sky is innervingly too clear for my liking.

Yo amor Espanol

Well and we started with spanish in our course from last week and already im in love. Theres something amazing with learning a new language cause in a way you are not just acquiring a new medium of communication but its an open window to a new culture, new ideas and a whole lot of people. And spanish has a certain mystery a true european elagance which still retains a renaissance aura. Spain to me remains more associated with that time and age,with wine and classy women, with sun and spices and magical journeys in search of gold. And this is my first taste of tangy spicy spanish. But the way is long and the road is tough...till then

Hasta lluego!!!

Do all men see?

Do people do the things they do for a reason always?
And are the men who are successful (and i dont mean anything spiritual cause success and failure is all in this mortal world and anything beyond is rubbish) do things for a purpose and have they always known what they need to do. Or did it occur to them one fine day on their stroll down the alleyways of life that this is the turn that he needs to take from here on and everything was great from there on?
For me, every way is equally dark, or equally bright as I am an optimist. I am not saying that i feel as if im freefallin down a twisting turning spiral with no control or brake. Its not so desperate as yet. Its more as if i dont care as long as the light stays and the light for me is from within, its not shone on me from outside. So thats good isnt it?
Well I am not so sure. Coz its easier for your flame to be extinguished when you carry it around with you all the time rather than hope to do with the light offered by the world around.
But lets not be bogged down by tragic possibilities and fears of what might, coz thats not the way to live. Thats the way for the men who like to see where they keep their next foot, the likes of men who see reasons for their actions. And i certainly am of not that breed.
Take whatever is thrown at you as that is more than what is required. Whats important is to keep that light burning within. Let the flame grow into a blaze that anything that life throws at it will be consumed and grow into a towering inferno.

F1 2007

Ive been trying hard to find a motivation to watch the about to start formula1 season. Now with Schumi gone and my long standing tormentor partnering the team that i love the most, i couldnt find something to love and admire without remorse in formula1.
But now ive found a reason, not love but hate.
Im gonna watch this season to see the arrogant unsure alonso meet the end of his lucky streak.
Somewhere around the end of last season the guy proclaimed that the season has predetermined and that schumis gonna win the championship...well what happend?
Sure as hell that would have happend without any sort of external assistance if ferrari had just done their part well.
But then that would have made the puny rascal right. Or am i to believe that the season was predetermined with alonso winning the title?
well whatever, it was just the frustrated ramblings of an unsporting child.
Things are quite different from last season he doesnt have a super machine which jsut needed you to hold the steering straight and without fail it would take you to the finish line in first place.
The only thing i could have wanted more is schumi to take his place in the red ferrari and teach the pea brain a few lessons in professionalism.